Comments on: Invisible Guilt http://notdoneliving.net/writing/invisible-disabilities-column/invisible-guilt Sun, 29 Jan 2012 01:11:24 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.2 By: Matthew Smith http://notdoneliving.net/writing/invisible-disabilities-column/invisible-guilt/comment-page-1#comment-2538 Matthew Smith Fri, 19 Nov 2010 12:25:51 +0000 http://notdoneliving.net/?p=136#comment-2538 Like the disabled parking bays is the situation with disabled toilets. If people see someone coming out of one of those and they can walk, it is automatically assumed that they should not have used it, when in fact they are often the only toilet nearby which has a unit for getting rid of adult inco pads. Even if that's not the case, it might be the only toilet which isn't filthy, which has a door that locks, which has a seat that's actually attached to the pan, and which isn't used by youths as a hang-out space. (Also, you might want to wash your hands in between cleaning yourself and touching your clothes.) All in all, people should mind their own business and not make assumptions about what people are doing and why. Like the disabled parking bays is the situation with disabled toilets. If people see someone coming out of one of those and they can walk, it is automatically assumed that they should not have used it, when in fact they are often the only toilet nearby which has a unit for getting rid of adult inco pads. Even if that’s not the case, it might be the only toilet which isn’t filthy, which has a door that locks, which has a seat that’s actually attached to the pan, and which isn’t used by youths as a hang-out space. (Also, you might want to wash your hands in between cleaning yourself and touching your clothes.)

All in all, people should mind their own business and not make assumptions about what people are doing and why.

]]> By: Brenda Bryant http://notdoneliving.net/writing/invisible-disabilities-column/invisible-guilt/comment-page-1#comment-1972 Brenda Bryant Mon, 25 Oct 2010 17:33:59 +0000 http://notdoneliving.net/?p=136#comment-1972 I am still crying after reading this because part of the reason for my divorce after 22 yrs of marriage was because"I was lazy" and my husband "didn't want mykids to end up like me!!" That was the most hurtful thing I ever heard him say and he said it in front of my children!! He said that some people actually have to work for a living-----I have 3 kids and get less that $600 a month to pay rent and utilities and provide them the basics supplies for daily living!!! Why would anyone take that money instead of what they could make working!!! I used to work 2 jobs when I was younger---I was the 'supermom' I did everything for everyone and then after my 1st child 21 yrs ago some painful things started happening--tendonitis that spread all over my body---back and neck problems. Got worse after each subsequent child plus I have had over a dozen surgeries--most emergencies!! I learned not to trust my body so when I had appendicitis, I waited til the last minute to go to hospital because they had sent me home 3 times saying it was nothing!! When I had gallstones, I waited again, suffering in agony every night for 5 weeks until one got stuck in the tube to my liver---but they told me after 2 ER visits nothing was wrong--same with kidney stones--------doctors constantlly told me nothing showed up on their tests--until I was in ER in dire condition and rushed to surgery!!! Its terrible how women are treated in this country when we finally do have a reason for complaining------I saw how my husband got the royal treatment for any little thing-----I even had 2 minor heart attacks that went unnoticed until I moved to a city with 2 major heart centers accross the street from each other!!! Something needs to be changed in the attitudes of doctors towards women in this country---its is disgusting to me how I have been treated and all the UNNECESSARY pain I have endured because I figured I must be making too much of this!!! Sorry to vent so much but I'm fed up and not taking anymored---I finally have a great doctor who understands my health problems and also knows how I've been treated in the past--he also gives seminars to other doctors on patient relations/partnerships. He says the doc is your employee---fire a bad one!!! Fight for your care----I could very well be dead if I hadn't started fighting for myself---I pray other women will do the same!!!Thanks andGod bless you all!!! ~<3~ I am still crying after reading this because part of the reason for my divorce after 22 yrs of marriage was because”I was lazy” and my husband “didn’t want mykids to end up like me!!” That was the most hurtful thing I ever heard him say and he said it in front of my children!! He said that some people actually have to work for a living—–I have 3 kids and get less that $600 a month to pay rent and utilities and provide them the basics supplies for daily living!!! Why would anyone take that money instead of what they could make working!!! I used to work 2 jobs when I was younger—I was the ‘supermom’ I did everything for everyone and then after my 1st child 21 yrs ago some painful things started happening–tendonitis that spread all over my body—back and neck problems. Got worse after each subsequent child plus I have had over a dozen surgeries–most emergencies!! I learned not to trust my body so when I had appendicitis, I waited til the last minute to go to hospital because they had sent me home 3 times saying it was nothing!! When I had gallstones, I waited again, suffering in agony every night for 5 weeks until one got stuck in the tube to my liver—but they told me after 2 ER visits nothing was wrong–same with kidney stones——–doctors constantlly told me nothing showed up on their tests–until I was in ER in dire condition and rushed to surgery!!! Its terrible how women are treated in this country when we finally do have a reason for complaining——I saw how my husband got the royal treatment for any little thing—–I even had 2 minor heart attacks that went unnoticed until I moved to a city with 2 major heart centers accross the street from each other!!! Something needs to be changed in the attitudes of doctors towards women in this country—its is disgusting to me how I have been treated and all the UNNECESSARY pain I have endured because I figured I must be making too much of this!!! Sorry to vent so much but I’m fed up and not taking anymored—I finally have a great doctor who understands my health problems and also knows how I’ve been treated in the past–he also gives seminars to other doctors on patient relations/partnerships. He says the doc is your employee—fire a bad one!!! Fight for your care—-I could very well be dead if I hadn’t started fighting for myself—I pray other women will do the same!!!Thanks andGod bless you all!!! ~<3~

]]> By: Pam Latimore http://notdoneliving.net/writing/invisible-disabilities-column/invisible-guilt/comment-page-1#comment-1965 Pam Latimore Mon, 25 Oct 2010 07:45:39 +0000 http://notdoneliving.net/?p=136#comment-1965 I am on disability and I am in pain 24/7. I try to pretend to be okay for my family has been the worst judge and jury, more than the public. They do not understand nor seem to care. I have severe back pain. Then 2 years or so later I was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm. I had to show them paperwork for them to believe me. It has been the most heartbreaking time in my life. I am alone, no support emotionally. I had the aneurysm removed. I could handle all this with some emotional support, yet being judged and almost kicked out of the family for my illness has taken me down quicker. I am not sick because I am depressed, however I do get depressed because my ability to work and contribute has been taken away. This is really hard on the self esteem especially when your family tells you how useless you are, not always by their words yet their actions speak very loudly. To anyone that has a disabled family member, they need you now more then ever, just to listen, or a hug, or just to say I still care about you and you are still important. I am on disability and I am in pain 24/7. I try to pretend to be okay for my family has been the worst judge and jury, more than the public. They do not understand nor seem to care. I have severe back pain. Then 2 years or so later I was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm. I had to show them paperwork for them to believe me. It has been the most heartbreaking time in my life. I am alone, no support emotionally. I had the aneurysm removed. I could handle all this with some emotional support, yet being judged and almost kicked out of the family for my illness has taken me down quicker. I am not sick because I am depressed, however I do get depressed because my ability to work and contribute has been taken away. This is really hard on the self esteem especially when your family tells you how useless you are, not always by their words yet their actions speak very loudly. To anyone that has a disabled family member, they need you now more then ever, just to listen, or a hug, or just to say I still care about you and you are still important.

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