Written in 2001.
People with invisible disabilities are often stigmatized because they can’t do things that non-disabled people can do. People with invisible disabilities (IDs) will often have to say, “No, I can’t do that” or need some accommodations, when they look perfectly normal. This can be a struggle for both the disabled person, who may be hesitant about asking, and for the person who asked in the first place, and isn’t sure if the person is lazy, disabled, or just trying to play with their mind.
Invisible disabilities often make exercise very difficult, so many people with IDs put on weight. And in today’s culture, people who are overweight are stigmatized and looked down on. I have been talking to one person who struggles with several IDs and needs to use an electric scooter to get around. She has had people literally stop her in the shopping center and tell her she’s lazy to be using the scooter. Assuming she’s just using the scooter because she’s fat, and not because she’s disabled. Prejudices like this is something the ID community desperately needs to address.
Another stigma that people with IDs face is using disabled parking spots. On one Fibromyalgia mailing list many people reported not using their disabled parking permits to park in the special places unless they were absolutely desperate, because they couldn’t face the looks and finger-pointing and even face-to-face confrontations that happen when an apparently healthy person steps out of a car in a handicapped zone. I recognize that these people think they are doing the Right Thing but people need to learn, still, that not everybody who’s disabled has a wheelchair, a white cane, or missing body-parts.
Some invisible disabilities, such as Chrone’s Disease, Ulcerative Collitis and IBS, force sufferers to make frequent – and often urgent – trips to the bathroom and possibly even the occasional accident. This can lead to teasing of the sort that, “Only little kids have accidents” and severe embarrassment for the sufferer.
Laziness is probably the number one stigma that people with IDs face. When you look like a normal person, but spend much of your time in bed or lying on the sofa, it’s a simple step for people who don’t “Get It” to assume you’re just being lazy. It’s hard for them to understand it’s not laziness but necessity that makes people with IDs to less that normal people. If I was just lazy, folks, I wouldn’t be skipping my friends’ midwinter party and going out to the library, as well as skipping the housework. I wouldn’t be crying about being left out – again – of whatever my friendship group are up to this weekend. If I was just lazy, I’d do the fun stuff.
So if you see somebody doing, or being, or acting a certain way and your first response is to think they’re putting it on, think again. Maybe they are doing their best, trying with all they have, and this is just how they are. Be gentle with your assumptions and slow to criticize. If you wonder, perhaps even go up and ask if the person would like a bit of help! Most people with IDs would be happy to explain what’s going on, and perhaps you could do something to aid them.
Very well said. Thanks for sharing your experience.
I am a longterm chronic fatigue syndrome sufferer. I don’t think my condition is as severe as ID but, so many times for years I could not even take care of myself. And Doctor didn’t take me as a patient, just because they could not find out what’s wrong with me. Friends? most of they are just tired of me and assumed that I was tired of life.
People need to be educated. Your messages are certain lessons for them!
Great information. As a person coping with traumatic brain injury and the mother of a child with a disability I see this all the time. It is so sad to see that there are so many people lacking the compassion it would take to allow persons with disabilities to thrive in this world. Hopefully in time websites and articles like yours will be able to change this attitude.
I went to the bar and cafe where my wife works a while back,just stopped in for a few minutes.People lit cigarettes ,which I desperately NEED to avoid, so I moved to the other side of the room, and tried to stay in conversation.One of them, I have known for years,(who has copd and liver problems yet drinks and smokes at the bar most of most days-so it was also a defensive remark I know)turned and told me ,across the room ,that there is nothing wrong with me except I need to lose weight.He later apologized, but it still hurt and does effect me. I take meds, such as prednisone, that cause weight gain themselves, on top of the lack of exercise etc. Last time I tried to exercise too much I ended up in the hospital, and he knows it.
Anyway, I am certain we all have these things happen, the point is even people who know some facts still doubt them . They overlook it in favor of strong misconceptions they have learned over a lifetime. I get really tired of being at home alone, though maybe going into town for appointments and stuff,but I need social interaction too.Same kinds of things happen when I go visit people too.
I am learning to deal with the comments but I have not yet found how to not feel so isolated.
I have asperger’s, the worst for me is in work when I can’t take part in group activities or role play. I get work mates making comments about it not being fair that they have to do these things when I don’t, or think I’m shy so should just get over it and stop being so pathetic. Management or training staff get frustrated and even abusive as they don’t understand why I’m being so awkward. It’s difficult to explain that it isn’t being shy or awkward, it’s something that I don’t understand how to do.
Being an aspie in a work environment is hard enough, but add this sort of situation to it and it makes people all the more agressive, abusive or plain anti-social towards you.
My disabilty makes me slow. I took classes in manicuring and the instructor yelled at me all the time for being too slow. She thought I wasn’t trying to be quicker. And when I did’n't pick up on things like the others she thought I wasn’t trying either. I have dysgrapha and I have hard to read handwriting unless I am writing very slow and she thought I was being sloppy out of laziness.
If I wasn’t trying..I wouldn’t have been there in the first place. I would have been at home collecting my SSI and not making the attempt. At any rate that is what I ended up going back to doing. I received abuse by clients too.
I think my disablity is WAY worse cause of intolerant reactions from persons who just don’t get it and don’t want to. I think persons like to be judgemental.