Somebody sent this to me in email, one of those forwarded things that comes quoted about 10 levels deep and with 194 people's email addresses on various quote levels in front of it. Once cleaned up, edited for grammar and spelling, and edited a bit more to delete some of the ones I didn't like, I ended up with this:
- You've mimicked the broad Australia accent of Alf Stewart from the TV show 'Home And Away' as in, "Push off, ya flamin' drongo!"
- You've had an argument with your mate over whether Ford or Holden makes better cars.
- You've done the 'hot sand dance' at the beach while running from the ocean back to your towel.
- You know who Ray Martin is.
- You start using words like 'bloody' and 'grouse' and call people 'mate'.
- You stop greeting people with "Hello", and go straight to the "How ya doin'?" ... alternatively, you use "G'day" all the time.
- You own a pair of Ugg Boots.
- You've seriously considered running down the shop in a pair of Ugg Boots.
- You've been to a day-nighter cricket match and screamed out incomprehensibities until your throat went raw.
- You kind of know the first verse to the national anthem, but you're buggered if you know what 'girt' means.
- You have a story that somehow revolves around excess consumption of alcohol and a mate named 'Dave'.
- You've risked attending an outdoor music festival on the hottest day of the year.
- You've tried to hang off the hills hoist while pretending you can fly.
- You've had a visit to the emergency room after hanging off the the hills hoist, pretending you can fly.
- You own a pair of thongs for everyday use, and another pair of dress thongs - for special occasions.
- You don't know what's in a meat pie, and you don't care.
- You pronounce Australia as 'Straylya' or 'Straya'.
- You call soccer 'Soccer', because 'Football' obviously means Aussie Rules.
- You've squeezed Vegemite through Vita Brits to make little Vegemite worms.
- You suck your coffee and/or hot chocolate through a Tim Tam.
- You realise that lifeguards are the only people who can get away with wearing Speedos.
- You pledge allegiance to Vegemite over Promite or Marmite.
- You understand the value of public holidays.
- Your weekends are spent barracking for your favourite sports team.
- You have a toilet dolly.
- You've played beach cricket with a tennis ball and a bat fashioned out of a fence post.
- You firmly believe that in the end, everything will be OK, and have told a mate in tough times that, "She'll be right, mate".
- You use the phrase, "no worries" at least once a day.
- You've been on a beach holiday and have probably stayed in a caravan.
- You constantly use shortened words, such as "brekkie", "arvo" and barbie".
- You've adopted a local bar as your own.
- You know the oath of mateship can never be limited by geographical distance.
So, are you Australian yet?
I have no idea who originally wrote this piece but if anybody can tell me I'll happily ask permission to put this version up and affix the correct copyright notice.
